On the day that you were born my black and white life saw a beautiful array of color for the first time since I met your Daddy. You see, dear little one, I was very broken. So broken I didn't even understand its' full extent, well that is- Until you were born. The moment I felt your skin against mine and took in a deep breath of that intoxicating 'mine' smell I became a little bit better, a little bit less broken, and totally in love. The day you were born you healed me.
All my babies are special, all of them fulfill a spot in my heart. But your birth was different. It brought me confidence in my body, that my body *could* do the things it was divinely designed to do. I was confident in motherhood for the first time since becoming a mother. My little boy, you see, you didn't make me a mother. But that is a different story for a different day. You, my sweets, gave me confidence in motherhood. Everyday since that first meeting FOUR YEARS AGO, I have gained confidence as a mom, and YOUR mom, forever.
You changed so many people's lives the day you were born. Each of us, and so many more are better because you simply exist. That first day, the first week, the first year wasn't always happiness, but it was always wonderful. Even in Trials, you simply existing made life better. Thank you my dear little boy, my sweet little red hair, blue eyed son, you perfect little Foxy man.
You are divinely blessed to love, have humor, to be a missionary, and to never settle for average. You are going to excel in all things as long as you give first to God, 2nd to your self, and 3rd to your country.
And then, the day came that you were one. I died a little inside when you reached your 'firsts'. Not because I didn't enjoy you growing, changing, learning, and 'becoming'. But I knew with each first you were needing me less and less. Being Needed is the best and worst party of the motherhood that YOU made me confident in, I just pray that some part of you will always need me.
During your 2nd year of life, I gave you the best gift a mother could give their child- a sibling. Your little brother's story is much different and equally as wonderful as yours, but sweet boy today is about you. YOU are a loving, kind, protective, entertaining big brother. You, during your 2nd year of life, wanted to 'hep meh' with everything. I try to be a good mommy and let you 'hep', but really I lack patients often. You loved cars, and going fast. This will always be a favorite of yours- going fast.
Before I could blink you were no longer a baby, using a binky, wanting to be held, or sneaking into my bed for snuggles at night. You see, the changes like that are what makes motherhood so hard. Loving you so intently to just have it all change in a blink of an eye. Not my love, my love for you dear will never change, but how you will except my love will grow and change as you do. As you turned three, you got hard. Your determination to be a 'rotten red' was intense, and it challenged me. You liked to destroy things, and we were not friends, but I loved you even still. As you rounded the corner to your 3rd birthday you got less hard, a when you got less hard it really made room to see how funny you are! My son, you are hysterical.
Example: I once asked you to pick up the legos in Grandmother and Granddaddy Ohhrah's house. I said, ' Fox please pick up the legos'. You directly turned to Uncle Sam and said, 'Sam, will you please pick up the legos'. As you can guess we all looked at each other stunned that you were degelgating responsibility to efficiently at such a young age. While we were coming out of our stunned fog, you looked at Uncle Sam and said, 'Sam, do you have your listening ears on?' (a question I frequently ask you). Of course we all busted out laughing, and then made you clean up your mess, funny boy.
You see, you make our lives so swell, you keep us in laughs and always makes sure we're 'happy'. I get asked, 'you happy mommy?' about 30 times a day. You don't like me to be upset.
This past year has been a whirlwind my love, again I blessed you and 'Bubba' with a 'sister', someone who has you totally wrapped around her tiny fingers. You talk to her in a sing song voice that oozes with adoration. I can't wait till you run off all her boyfriends. You also started school, again another first that made my heart ache. But you LOVE to learn, and I love watching you so engaged in the pursuit of knowledge. I hope you always feel that hunger to learn. You still love cars, but super heroes or 'Super Here-e-o's', take up the majority of your attention. I can never tell if your going to be Captain America or Ironman that day, but no matter what your shooting bad guys!
So really dear brave one, thank you for being born. Thank you for being mine. I hope you understand how much we love you. I cannot wait to see who you become. I will always be your biggest cheerleader! Fox, you are fantastic, my Fantastic Mr. Fox.